Pressure

"Pressure? Please. I’ve been polished by every lie they told, every limit they set, every downward glance they gave, every room they tried to keep me out of. Diamonds shine because they survive the squeeze so imagine what happens when we show up under pressure. I heard every ‘you won’t,’ every ‘you can’t,’ and every ‘you’re not enough.’ And every single time, I answered back without saying a word, but “WATCH ME” Revenge is never the motive.  It’s simply a matter of I’ll show you, and I’ll prove you wrong. Call me whatever you please, my friends call me Trigger Happy not because I’m dangerous, but because I know exactly what it is that sets me off, and I use it to light a fire.

I can still remember like it was yesterday. There I was in the 12^th grade sitting in my favorite teacher’s class Mrs. Williams when the intercom request came in “Please send Pamela Gardner to the office”. My heart raced I could hardly wait. I was filled with excitement and anticipation.  You see, I had a scheduled meeting with my Guidance Counselor, she was helping me find colleges to attend who would accept my academic record, flaws, and all. After going through my folder, she informed me that she had spoken to 3 regional colleges that would accept me. So many emotions ran through me. I had only dreamed of leaving my hometown, there were so many negative emotions attached to that place the trauma, disappointment, humiliation, brokenness, and doubt. I was ready for a new beginning and to go be everything GOD had purposed me to be. I headed back to class full of joy and happiness. I couldn’t wait to share the news with Mrs. Williams, as I had spoken with her prior to class about the potential opportunity. When class was over one of my friends grabbed me to walk with her, she said “I have something to tell you Promise me you won’t repeat it’ I said, “I promise I won’t repeat it”. My friend goes on to tell “When you left the class Mrs. Williams told the class you were going to the counselor office to try to get into college and you were wasting your time nobody will have me and I should just go to the military” All I could say was “Really” I couldn’t believe what I just heard, but I did believe it because, I hadn’t shared that information with any my peers with the fear of ridicule and shame. Never did I repeat that information to Mrs. Williams. At 18 years old that kid of betrayal cut deep, and I never forgot what she did. This is what I want you to know, that moment didn’t destroy me. It defined me. With every milestone I accomplish I every room I walk into I hear her voice. However, this isn’t a story about her, it’s about pressure and how it didn’t break me. It Made me.